feeling inadequate

inadequate (adjective):

  • lacking the quality or quantity required; insufficient for a purpose.
  • (of a person) unable to deal with a situation or with life.

Believe it or not, we have all suffered from feelings of inadequacy at times. Even the most strong, and confident of people have felt this way at some point.

It’s not an emotion we often think about when dealing with other people. But it is one that deserves a little bit of attention and thoughtfulness.

To be the strongest versions of ourselves, we should NEVER seek to make someone feel inadequate in our presence. Either on purpose or by unintentionally.

By creating feelings of inadequacy, we create feelings of anger and hostility at the same time. People who feel inadequate will not want to be in your presence.

Focus instead on building self-confidence in other people, NOT on breaking them down.

Image result for look at a man for what he is

Humans are pack animals. We need a strong pack as a means of survival.

The relationship of the pack does not matter; teacher-student, parent-child, peer-peer,  feelings of inadequacy can manifest in any social situation.

Building up those around you only makes you stronger in the process. Be mindful of this, next time you have the opportunity.

No one wants to feel inadequate.

 

 

 

purpose

Finding purpose. This is something we hear tossed around a lot.

Unfortunately, the harder we seek to find our purpose, the further away from we get from our actual purpose in life.

For years, I underwent self-analysis in an effort to “find my purpose” in life.

Despite having looked at this problem for years, I never felt like I was any closer to discovering my true life purpose.

The problem with this approach is we often become too concerned with finding our purpose and stop focusing on what gives our life purpose in the first place.

For me, the easiest way to finding my purpose was to stop looking for it.

Spend less time seeking what gives you purpose, and spend more time doing what gives you a feeling of purpose.

Living a life of purpose is much like happiness, or success. These are all self-defined beliefs. Meaning you have to know how you define them before you can ever reach that definition.

So how do you define purpose? 

Think about that for a time before answering this question, because the answer is going to be key in finding and living your own life purpose.

For me, a purpose driven life is adding value to those around me. Whether it is my family, friends, clients, or my even my dogs. The more I can help them live a better life, the more a feel a strong sense of purpose in my own life.

life

Be a L.E.A.D.E.R.

I recently came across an interesting definition of what it means to be a leader. In today’s society, we lack leaders. We have plenty of leadership, but we have no leaders.

Whats the difference you might ask? Just because someone is in a leadership role, does not make them a leader. Managers and supervisors are leadership. But that doesn’t mean they are leaders. Politicians are in a position of leadership, but we know without a doubt many, if not most, are not leaders. Money and fame can get you into a leadership role. However, true leaders are developed, not purchased.  Purchased leadership is fake news. Its a band-aid on a broken bone. These are the type of leaders who seize or inherent power. In Analytical psychology, these type of leaders would be known as tyrants.

If you want to grow as a human learn how to be a good leader. The world needs more leaders and less leadership.

Being a L.E.A.D.E.R.

Lead – Leaders should always lead from the front. This includes leading by example. Remember, someone is always watching. As a leader, if you cannot follow the rules and do the right thing than never expect your people too. As a leader, hold yourself to the highest standards possible. Never ask your people to do something you would not do yourself.

Establish – Leaders need to establish a specific standard, and uphold that standard to the best of their ability.  Leaders need to establish clear expectations, values, and missions for their people.

Advise – Leaders are coaches. They are advisors. A sign of a good leader is the ability to define what needs to be done, and assign the right people to the task. That’s it. All you have to do is give your people the GPS and the keys to the car. Leaders don’t need to stress and fret over how they get there. Advise what needs to get done, and when it has to be done, and then set back and let it get done. Leaders trust.

Demonstrate – Set the example. If you want your people to do something, then do it yourself. The same is true if you want your people to not do something. If this is the case, then you, as a leader, better not be doing it either. Leaders who impose rules on others only to break them themselves will never grow. They will never become the type of leader society is craving.

Execute – As a leader, it’s your job you execute the plan. You don’t have to execute each step yourself, but as a leader, you have to make sure that

  • The plan is in place
  • The plan is solid
  • The team has bought into the plan
  • The team has the tools needed to execute the plan
  • The team has the support needed to execute the plan
  • The plan is clearly defined, included missions goals, checkpoints, and outcomes

Resolve – Lastly, leaders resolve. The word resolve is Latin for solve. Leaders, solve problems. Leaders fix what is broken. Leaders take responsibility for their actions and the actions of their team.

Leaders, lead

Building your Team

In the past, I have talked about how important it is to surround yourself with the right people. Today we are going to talk a little bit more about why that is important and what we can do about building our team.

I’ve always heard that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. This is probably truer than not if you actually sit down and think about it.

For example, think about your workplace, or your class. Some of these people are the people that you spend the most time with (whether under your own will or forced).

Now think about the lives these five people live. Their hobbies, their habits, their incomes, their lifestyles, their vocabulary, their mannerisms, and their actions.

Maybe you don’t even realize it, but these personality elements unconsciously wear off on you. I mean how could they not? After all, you are probably spending 8 hours a day with these people.

When I first went into the Coast Guard it became obvious that my circle of friends (or co-workers) (or more precisely, shipmates) were wearing off on me. I lived with these guys. Day in and day out. 24 hours a day for months on end.

I, subconsciously starting picking up and displaying many of their habits, both good and bad.  Looking back some years later, I problem picked up on ore bad than good.

As humans, we have an inborn tendency to try and fit in with the crowd or go with the flow of things. We are deathly afraid of standing out. This fear is probably hard-wired to our reptilian brain and could be traced back millions of years. Back then, our distance ancestors had to hunt and fight to survive, often times standing out meant death, or at least no food on the dinner plates that night.

Back then, blending in was beneficial. Becoming one with our surroundings meant or pray couldn’t differentiate between us, and nature. Blending in gave our early human ancestors the upper hand in surviving.

Now fast forward a few million years and we are still stuck with the notion we must blend in to survive. But now, we need to ask ourselves, who or what are we blending in with?  Are we blending in with the predators or the prey?

Surround yourself with people, places, dogs, and things that make you a better version of yourself. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you, the people that force you to grow in the right ways.

This is not a one-sided affair. You have to be your best self. You have to bring your best game to the pack. In the reptilian world, the weak are left behind to starve. Maybe if they’re lucky, they get to eat the scraps left behind by the pack. Lucky for you, your not the weak link. You my friend, are the apex.

Celebrate the wins of those in your team as they are wins of your win. Work diligently to build each other up.

Own it.